It’s pretty rare when I report on Docking more than Challenge48. Actually I skipped Challenge48 this time.
Today’s episode is about hostesses at clubs. I don’t know how familiar you guys are with hostess clubs/kyabakura/etc. but basically you sit down with a girl and drink with her and she talks to you. Also you pay for drinks. For both of you. And usually the prices are jacked up.It’s perhaps the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Guys dropping $700 a night just to talk to a girl. Sure, the possibility of getting something more is always there, but you already look weak because you’re dropping so much money just for her attention. If anything it smells like desperation. On top of that, you’re also competing against other guys who are spending dough on her. Are girls really that hard to find that you gotta spend so much money just to get her to talk to you? (Unsurprisingly, I sometimes extend these thoughts to AKB/NMB, which I’m antsy about ever going to a handshake event. On the other hand it comes with my CD, which also comes with some rad DVD footage. Anyway…) The TV crew spent more than $700 for this, but they said people have spent over $10,000 in one night. I just… I don’t know. The worst part is that this club is invite only, you need an introduction from someone who’s been there. Like seriously? Who are these people that think they’re so good that you need an introduction to spend money on them?
This club also lets their hostesses go with their customers to have dinner–on their customer’s tab, of course.
So, they brought them on the show and ask them some questions and stuff. For example, “What kind of food do you like to go out and eat?” Of course, she answers sushi because she thinks she’s so good that she deserves expensive food. But Milky is a little more sly.Some of the questions had hilarious answers. For example, they have various hand signals to communicate, and the first question asked what the thumbs up gesture meant. (It means get the champagne, we ’bout to pop some bottles up in here.) The next question asked was how they stop someone from gossiping, saying bad things, etc. It lessens the atmosphere so the hostesses need to change it, talking about something other than how they hate someone. What do you do? Kimoshita gets it right, saying that they have to tell 100 dirty jokes. Well, that’s her answer but the real answer is to make it a more sexual atmosphere, and they have the hostesses demonstrate by having TamuKen and KenKoba talk trash about Jinnai. But the hostesses were a tad slow on the uptake, haha. The hostesses anonymously reveal that out of the 3 of them, 2 have dated, one has dated a baseball player, the other dated a singer. The mama (female pimp) says it’s all good, no renai kinshi here. (I think there’s some sort of irony here…)
We then go walk through the day of one of the hostesses and you know what? She’s actually really respectable. Kind of. She does live in a nice apartment, though I’m sure it’s paid for by all the loser customers she has. She can cook her own meals, takes care of her dog, and she even practices golf just to talk to her customers better. (She’s no Ranran though.)I almost got excited when she said she did muscle training but it turns out it’s some wimpy retarded machine that probably doesn’t work. I’d respect her if she did power cleans and deadlifts. She’s no Ranran though.
But yeah, I’m watching this and I’m thinking… man, this is like your ideal American woman. Except she would ideally have a real job with real interest. She’s no Ranran though.
One guy even flew a hostess all the way to Hokkaido just to eat sushi!This talk about hostess clubs is getting me depressed because of how terrible some Japanese guys are. Let’s go back to jokes.
We leave off with a quiz about what the hostesses use to stop a pushy customer. They had to fill in the blank to the phrase “Actually _______”
Kimoshita: “Actually, I have money.” Golden. Also cuts to the heart of the problem.
One of the guest comedians: “Actually, I’m infected.”
But the best line goes to Fuuchan.KenKoba: “Are you some blabbering foreigner who just learned Japanese?”
It gets better though. We get a hint. “Actually, I ________”The correct answer was something like “Actually, can you take better care of me?” or something like that. It’s hard to translate. Actually I’m not sure if I understood it exactly but oh well.
TamuKen’s team wins and gets the coupon and also gets the digits of his preferred hostess. He picks the Mama-san. Presumably he’ll just get spammed.
They asked the guest comedian which hostess he would pick if he won.Good for him. He won’t contribute to the fraudulent industry that is hostess clubs.