AKB48: Masuda Yuka’s blog after her final “The Wiz” performance

I had heard Yuka’s blog entry on the conclusion of “The Wiz” was very touching, so I began to translate it. Shortly thereafter, there was the graduation announcement and the ISSA scandal.

Still, when I read this entry, I really feel like she might even be above the scandal. It’s like she’s an entirely different person, living in a bigger world. Plus, when you read this entry, you really feel like you get a better feeling of what she went through and why she decided to graduate. It just makes a lot of sense.

I apologize in advance for any translation errors… it was a lot longer and my Japanese still needs a lot of work. I also apologize for any formatting errors, since this took a bit of time and WordPress was acting funny.

Reference URL: http://ameblo.jp/massuuu-yuttan/entry-11399886109.html

To the people that are important to me:

Sorry for being late with the update(;_;)

With this and that, I wanted to sort my feelings out but the fire of The Wiz still lingers on.

I went around Yokohama, Osaka, Tokyo, and finally concluded at Nagoya, it’s ended.

Again, it really feels like it hasn’t ended… those are my true feelings.

It’s been a long time since I had to desperately give it all. Actually, it’s more like the first time I had to.

Every day was a fight, but every day was fun.
The Wiz changed my life greatly.

If I counted from the start of addition it’s been about half year. It’s been like a blink of the eye.

I had only successfully auditioned for the drama club [at school], but from the beginning here, I really wanted to be chosen! That’s what I thought when I got picked.

For the first round auditions, Director Amon only remembered my face and voice when he picked me.

I could taste it then.
I wanted to show a serious face, I wanted to sing, I wanted to perform in a way that none of the members have seen me do before.
“Everyone’s so graceful,”
I remember thinking that and freezing up.
I was shaking. I was nervous.

But during that time, once again my competitive fire lit up,
“I will definitely take hold of the lead actress spot!”
With this changed feeling I proceeded on.

Now that I have played Dorothy, even though I have no confidence, I will believe in myself and push myself! I will move forward. I feel like that is what Dorothy has told me in the end.

Dorothy has aged, people have said (lol)
When we opened for the first day, my acquaintances, other members, and friends have said to me “You were Dorothy!”

Above all they were praising me.
That people would say that about the Dorothy that existed, I was truly happy(*^^*)

Practice was really fun,
Even though I was shy, lol

I blended in quickly.
English flew throughout the stage. lol
Everyone was really open.
From the start, everyone was friendly, and this non-Japanese style of communication was really comforting to me.

There was lot of variety from day to day, and while normally people would mess around, when it was time to work, they worked!
These were professionals at work, I thought.

The staff was incredible. Well, incredible doesn’t even begin to describe them.

From the top with Director Amon, the staff was incredibly strong.
Every day, all sorts of people were thrown together, and the cast expressed their opinions without holding back.

I’ve hardly ever this from a producer, but…
If you have something on your mind, then I would like to you to come here and tell me.
Those were the words that Director Amon gave me.

This me, who had a long way to go and held doubts, was allowed to have my opinions implemented and have talks, all the way to the end.

For whatever reason, I was really happy that my opinions were respected.(;_;)
Every day, I could not stop smiling brightly and enjoying myself.

But, as we approached the final day of practice, Director Amon coached me one-on-one in the morning, and that day was the first time I felt the pressure.

Masuda, you can do more.

When that was said to me, it was like I took a blow to the stomach.

Up until then, I was a person who played it safe when I did everything. Even though I hated that feeling when I auditioned, that spoiled person had returned.

But what to do, I didn’t know. Until Director Amon pointed it out, I didn’t notice and I was really distraught.

So then, for about 3 days, I faced myself, and I refocused how I looked at my performance.
When I did that, everything changed.

Director Amon gave me these words.
“I believe in you. If I didn’t think you could do it, I wouldn’t say it.”

I was touched from the bottom of my heart. I was on the verge of tears.
There was somebody that believed in me more than I did.
I was a little embarrassed, and I asked myself why I couldn’t love myself even more.

Precisely because somebody believed in me, the power that I could unleash now had completely changed.

That is what I learned from WIZ.

Although it’s just a line that Jinnai Takanori says in the play,
“Believe in yourself, if you don’t try to make miracles happen, they won’t happen.”

I really believe that that’s true.

Thinking that someone can do it and giving them the power to believe… that is incredible.

No matter how many times it seemed that I would be crushed, those words supported me.

Going out and being cheered on… I’m not sure that’s why I was happy.
What it was, was really doing something that was worth doing.

Above all, the patrons that came and cheered everyone on was incredible.
And along with that, as the smiles of the audience would increase, the stage would itself would shine more and more to where it surprised everyone.Every day, that power would fill me and there was an incredible energy. Even with that, I was surprised that while singing, I would never get goosebumps.At the end I sang “HOME” solo.
It was the song I sang for the last judging section. Because I was so emotionally attached to it, I don’t know if I sang it well but… singing it well, hitting the notes…
I was no longer at that level. Of course, technique is important. But Amon has taught me to sing from the heart.

My body was shaking, and I felt the love coursing through my body.

One of the lyrics reads as this:”In this world, overflowing in me, in everything, love is…”

When I sang it, I thought of everyone I’ve met, the tears, the smiles. It ran about in my head like a revolving lantern, giving me the feeling as if I was in another world entirely.

The painful times, the times I thought about quitting, the times I didn’t want to leave the house, I’ve had those experiences but somehow they turned out alright…For some unknown reason, I was engulfed in those experiences.

I got the feeling that this is the me I wanted to know. I naturally had to think that everything that was happening to me was a miracle.

Somehow, this seems too big to put into words. (lol)

But, no matter what happens, I’ll be okay. That’s what I thought.

The WIZ will forever continue to live on in me.

Even though I’m really sad that it ended, no matter where I am it will always feel close to me. It leaves a very warm feeling.

To everyone that came, I wonder if they understand?

I will never forget this. I don’t want to forget this.

Even to the final curtain call, it was said to me,
It is a story of a scarecrow, a tin man, a lion, and Dorothy. While carrying their own character complexes, it is those complexes that they are seeking the wizard of Oz’s magic and moving forward to find him.
But in the end, the answer to those complexes is inside of us.

With that pretense, maybe, even though we have character complexes that we dislike, if we believe in ourselves and love others, then I believe we will change day by day. I honestly believe that everyone has nothing but good qualities within them.Me too, I also have had seriously ugly times, and had some serious issues. There were things about myself that I disliked so much that it surprised me.
But I was strongly watched over. (;_;)With this musical, I was able to think of my good qualities.

I wanted to be able to face myself more and more, to praise others and to believe in them.

That’s why, I want everyone to be able to admit these kinds of things to themselves.
Just a little. Just a tiny bit is okay. ^^
The power of a human, one-by-one, is incredible! That’s what I realized when I stood on stage.

Because the cast and crew was able to make me feel this way, it was inevitable that they became very dear to me.
If I could, I would be with them forever. (lol)

But, with every beginning there is an end,
and with every end there is a no beginning!

Starting now, in order to level up some more, I want to be able to take my experiences and, like a sponge, squeeze them dry to absorb even more!

Starting now, I want to surprise you and show you what kind of woman I am!

Starting now, I want there to be people out there with warm hearts.

Starting now, I want to push everyone so that that they can experience and taste the feelings that I wrote about!

Oh, but not to the point where it sacrifices your health.

I think it’s important to take breaks. (lol)

Please look forward to the new me!

It’s been a long time since I wrote something so long.

But, I have no regrets!

There are lots of offshots that I have to post!

For reading to the end, I am very very thankful.

I seriously love everyone.

Dorothy will forever be in your hearts.

Alright, time to renew my determination for tomorrow!

I’m thankful to everyone from the bottom of my heart.

にゃもし(*´ω｀*)